I’m Always a Step From Greatness.
So close, but impossibly far away. What a terrifying thing it is not to know how to console yourself. I think I am happy. I truly do. But this feeling is so temporary. It is gone almost the instant I decide to absorb it. I want to be free from the burden of feeling like I cannot be my own missing link. Like somehow someone else is meant to fulfill me. I want that to be my job. I want to smile knowing that if eternal solitude is what we become, I will be fine. I don’t want to rest hope in future love. I don’t want the idea of finding him to be such an exciting endpoint. I want to be happy now, just as I am. I want to be free from the idea that he is my only saving grace. I will smile because I feel free. I will dance because I am alive. I will sing because the song in my heart is self-produced. Enough of this dependence on a future ghost. I will not let myself down the way he one day will. Therefore, I am the one who deserves the vested hope. I am the one who deserves the unconditional adoration. I start with me, and if he comes, so be it. And if not, while it is a terrifying thought, then so be it. I cannot live my life any longer with the hope that my happiness will finally arrive with my future counterpart.